Goldberry ([info]riverdaughter) wrote,
2003-05-09 18:29:00
  • Mood: frustrated
  • Music: Asshole - Dennis Leary

Oh, FINE.

OK THEN.

You spend a few months away from the computer building a hospital and what happens? Your husband starts inventing affairs between you and one of your candy stripers so he can chase after another married man. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that he's so busy playing with my makeup kit that I am not getting laid. Sauron is preoccupied and pickings are slim in Barad-dûr. If you're picky about orc sex, anyway. Which I am. They killed me once. On my husband's orders, yeah, but having sex with more than one of your previous murderers is just overdoing it.

Sure, there's Jeff, but have any of you SEEN Jeff? Of course you haven't. He wears a paper bag over his head. I made the mistake of having lunch with him once. He spilled Snapple on the bag and had to change it. Saw his face. My brain boiled. Seriously, I'm a water-thing, I do that, and it ruined my perm.

So. Let's just get right down to it.

WHO WANTS TO FUCK THE WATER-THING?</font>

Come now, don't be shy! I used to have a waiting list, but I think everyone on the list retired while I was busy being married or absent. Whatever! You know you want to. I have a great rack. Male, female, I'm not picky so long as you don't have a tail. No, you're not guaranteed to get laid, but I'll give you a pair of Sauron's lacy panties or a popsicle as a consolation prize if you don't.

Maybe I should start a rock garden or something.

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  • 65 comments

[info]forsaken_one

May 9 2003, 15:34:46 UTC 9 years ago

Rawr

[info]riverdaughter

May 9 2003, 16:02:02 UTC 9 years ago

Hmm. You look greasy, and I'm looking for some variety. Hmm. Showers. Lemme think about it for a minute.

[info]forsaken_one

May 9 2003, 16:06:39 UTC 9 years ago

Greasy... that's a new one.

[info]riverdaughter

May 9 2003, 16:24:46 UTC 9 years ago

It might just be the five o' clock shadow. Associations with Aragorn, you know.

[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]darklordsauron

May 9 2003, 15:44:29 UTC 9 years ago

Have fun, dear. By the way, I think we're going to be invaded soon.

[info]riverdaughter

May 9 2003, 15:58:59 UTC 9 years ago

Thank you, love. Are you being euphemistic?

[info]darklordsauron

May 9 2003, 16:00:58 UTC 9 years ago

Re:

Nah. We have weapons of mass destruction, apparently. Did you know? Anyway, Rohan's going to liberate the orcs or something. Should be interesting.

[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]darklordsauron

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]darklordsauron

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]darklordsauron

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]darklordsauron

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

May 9 2003, 15:44:53 UTC 9 years ago

::wriggles frantically:: If only I was in my human form. And not being held against my will by a small evildemon child. Alas.

[info]minimelkie

May 9 2003, 15:57:50 UTC 9 years ago

;_;

[info]dwarven_band

May 9 2003, 16:00:00 UTC 9 years ago

. . . Look, lil'thing. If she'll have sex with me will you let me? And then I can grope you later.

[info]minimelkie

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]dwarven_band

9 years ago

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[info]minimelkie

9 years ago

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[info]celeborniii

May 9 2003, 15:50:44 UTC 9 years ago

;)

[info]riverdaughter

May 9 2003, 16:02:51 UTC 9 years ago

Do me, baby.

[info]celeborniii

May 9 2003, 16:03:43 UTC 9 years ago

Re:

*does*

*you, specifically*

[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]vairetheweaver

May 9 2003, 17:00:41 UTC 9 years ago

;)

[info]9th_ringwraith

May 9 2003, 17:07:01 UTC 9 years ago

*eyedarts* Ummmn?

[info]riverdaughter

May 9 2003, 17:17:56 UTC 9 years ago

This is new.

omg let me have your baby ::raises eyebrow with interest:: Really?

[info]9th_ringwraith

May 9 2003, 17:24:58 UTC 9 years ago

Not as new as you'd think maybe...

Part of me thinks I should um console in a friendly like fashion and um encourage you to make up with Sauron.

...the other part is um O.O I've had a crush on you forever - that I could be so lucky very much yes.

[info]forsaken_one

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]elvengoldmine

9 years ago

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[info]9th_ringwraith

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]earwen

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]earwen

9 years ago

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[info]9th_ringwraith

9 years ago

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[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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[info]galadrielph33r

May 9 2003, 17:07:11 UTC 9 years ago

I have handcuffs and a drunk Finduilas ;)

[info]girloliphaunt

May 9 2003, 18:45:44 UTC 9 years ago

Helloooooo! :D

[info]bnh

May 9 2003, 19:54:36 UTC 9 years ago

Ooooooh could I have a popsicle?

:) *offers a rock*

[info]riverdaughter

May 9 2003, 20:05:27 UTC 9 years ago

Your choice of flavour, even. ::offers the box::

Ooh, rock.

[info]bnh

May 9 2003, 21:22:57 UTC 9 years ago

Thank you Goldberry! *takes a cherry* Good luck with the search! :)

[info]horseofrohan

May 10 2003, 04:19:45 UTC 9 years ago

*sniffle*

Male, female, I'm not picky so long as you don't have a tail.

...'mgoingdownthegardentoeatworms...

[info]riverdaughter

May 10 2003, 14:47:15 UTC 9 years ago

Re: *sniffle*

Awww, poor cute horsie. I'm sorry, bestiality just doesn't work for me. I'm sure you're a very nice horse, though, and I'm sure you didn't know about the trauma I experienced hearing about your sexual liasons with my once-upon-a-time bestest little friend Elrohir. Want a popsicle? Some of Sauron's lacy panties? They'd probably fit you.

[info]horseofrohan

May 10 2003, 17:43:07 UTC 9 years ago

*sniffs panties*

*tries them on*

MY ERU! THEY FIT!!!!

This means I'm a princess and get to marry the prince, don't I?

*starts stalking Sauron from a safe distance*

[info]riverdaughter

9 years ago

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