Well, I had a baby last week. This answers everyone's questions about the reproductive capacity of water-things when matched with evil previously-disembodied Maiar, I guess. I didn't even know I was pregnant right up until I was ready to deliver.
Sauron was feeling down that day. He'd just watched Bambie for the first time, and was still upset over Mama Bambie's death. Ever seen a teary-eyed dark lord pretending to fill out a crossword puzzle with grim determination? It's heartbreaking. So, I went to the kitchen to make him some chocolate chip pancakes. They never fail to cheer him up, especially when I use round cookie cutters to cut holes in the centers. Ring-shaped, y'know. Anyway, it was, to my knowledge, the first time I've ever actually been barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Hehe.
It was then that I first started to feel odd little pains in my stomach. I thought it was just the chalupa dinner from the night before. (Our kitchen is, for the most part, ornamental.) Granted, it was a bit unusual, seeing as the only times I'd been sick before had been through contracting a gender-switch virus or somesuch, but I didn't think much of it. The pain got gradually worse over the next few hours, and then I noticed the swelling. Oh god, the swelling. My stomach, bulging to unprecedented proportions. That was the most horrifying experience of my life, and I've lived with Tom Bombadil. We finally went to the hospital.
Sauron and the doctor on duty argued loudly in the next room while I laid in compromising positions on what looked like a medieval torture device being used as a table of some sorts. The doctor, who insisted I call him "Jeff", kept waving around X-rays and test results in a manilla folder and insisting that "the tests don't lie", while Sauron kept waving around a fiery torch and insisting Jeff was "full of shit" and a "motherfucker". No one bothered letting me know what the hell was going on until it finally occurred to my darling husband that I was still there.
After a while, who was a motherfucker became a moot point, because the Baby Inexplicable was coming, whether or not Dr. Jeff was full of shit.
I won't go into detail there.
I can't; I demanded the strongest drugs they had as soon as they clued me in. (Water-things don't respond well to drugs, everything gets diluted. >_< Still, I managed to get nice and drugged out of my mind.) The next thing I knew, I was wrapped up all nicely in a hospital bed, and they were bringing to me a bassinet containing the most beautiful baby boy in the world. He has his daddy's hair colour and, thank the Valar, my eyes. :) After severe shock and some deliberation, Sauron and I decided that we were happy. Really fucking incredibly beyond confused, but happy. We named him Rufus Manwë.
Then he aged like 25 years in a matter of days. Apparently this is normal for newborns around here. Go figure. He has his own apartment and works at a bookstore now. I hear he's well on his way to becoming an established slut. This somehow results in his being able to get me really great discounts when we go shopping together.
That's my baby.